


Artistic License

by Magicofisis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-05
Updated: 2006-12-05
Packaged: 2018-10-27 18:32:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10814427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magicofisis/pseuds/Magicofisis
Summary: The Fat Lady/Sir Cadogan (with a dash of Harry/Ron) - Portrait parties get wild in the holidays! ;)





	Artistic License

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

  
Author's notes:

Written for Madam Minnie for the TQP Yule Challenge Drabble Exchange.

Plz to not be blaming me for this. Thx to S for the look-over.   


* * *

“Damn. She’s gone,” said Harry, whipping off his invisibility cloak and standing before the empty portrait.

 Ron moaned, “We’re doomed.  If we get one more detention—”

 “Look! Is that her?”

 They rushed over to a very large, noisy painting.  Normally a sedate scene of a crowded ballroom, tonight it was the venue of a raucous holiday party.  Wizards were dangling from the chandeliers, witches tipped back champagne bottles – even a conga line snaked along the back.  And there, off to the right with only her backside showing, was the Fat Lady.

 “What’s going on?” demanded Ron.  “Why aren’t you at your post?”

 The Fat Lady turned her head without moving the rest of her body, revealing her flushed profile. “I stayed until you lot were all supposed to be asleep.  If you’re out after hours, it’s hardly my fault.  Now, if you don’t mind…”

 Harry scowled.  “Actually we do mind.  We need to get into our common room, and we can’t until you get back over there!”

 Ignoring Harry’s complaint, the Fat Lady turned back to the party and moaned embarrassingly loudly.  Without speaking, Ron pointed to her petticoats, which were disheveled and thrown up over her knees.  Ron and Harry looked at each other in horror.

 “She’s not actually…” started Ron.

 “Who is with you?” asked Harry.

 The Fat Lady turned back to them once more with a hiccup and crinkled her nose.  “Do give me some privacy – I’ll let you in at a more convenient time.”  She took a long pull from her wine goblet.  “Right now, I’ve got to let my knight in shining armor in!”  She giggled at her own joke and looked between her legs. “Yes, kind sir, just like that.” 

 They examined the painting closely: a discarded sword and scabbard and several pieces of armor lay next to her.

 Ron rubbed his eyes.  “You don’t suppose it’s—”

 “Move along, young lads. Isn’t fit for you to see such debauchery.”  The voice belonged to Sir Cadogan, the mad knight they’d encountered before.  They didn’t recognize his face without the helmet as it peeked out from behind the Fat Lady’s petticoats, nose and mouth glistening.  “And best ye learn early that it’s not the size of the sword that’s important; it’s how well you brandish it,” he said, waggling his eyebrows.

 A brawl had broken out on the left side of the painting.  “Just hurry, okay?” Ron said crossly.

 Harry watched as Sir Cadogan said to the Fat Lady, “Perhaps the lads wouldn’t be so cranky if they had sex.”  The Fat Lady whooped loudly as Sir Cadogan dove back beneath her petticoats.

 Harry pulled Ron back over to the empty portrait frame in front of their common room.  He draped his cloak over them and allowed his lips to gently glide across Ron’s.

 “What was that for?” asked Ron.

 “Trying to make you less cranky.  We’ve got to do something to pass the time.”

 Ron answered Harry’s comment with a kiss.


End file.
